What's really going on at the sexologist - I and my cat

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الاثنين، 2 سبتمبر 2019

What's really going on at the sexologist

What's going on in the sexologist's office? How are the sessions held? Investigation and patient testimonials.



What's really going on at the sexologist




In tights and t-shirts, Charlotte, 35, wanders in front of the therapist, who observes the way she hides her feminine attributes, thighs turned inwards, gummed sex, hollowed chest. Something was wrong with his love life. "I'm bored in bed," she admits, "I have rare and laborious enjoyment. "Like Liliane, 28," who can not stand to simulate pleasure, "or Victoire, 40, who has declared frigid, or Renaud, 38, premature ejaculator, who complains" to fall only on Frigid women, "Charlotte decided to take the plunge and consult a sexologist.

The process is not obvious. First, because in our civilization still imbued with Judeo-Christianity, we do not talk about these things. Then, because to accept to reveal the most intimate of one's body in its most secret function, the amorous relationship, disregarding all shame, is disturbing. And, finally, because apart from some possible confidences of friends, some readings, we know nothing, or so little, of what will happen in the specialist's office. If we know so little, it is because sexology is a very recent discipline: the validity of the university degree in sexology was only recognized by the Ordre des médecins in 1999. Also, some unclear reign: therapies for sexual difficulties can be conducted either by general practitioners, specialists (endocrinologists, psychiatrists, gynecologists, etc.) or by psychotherapists. The former is not, for the most part, trained in psychotherapy and, to access the twenty or so techniques (breathing, relaxation, body awareness, etc.) that this group, they must follow the teaching of institutions. private or to join a psychotherapist. They can indeed be good doctors and mediocre therapists. The latter do not have medical studies, sometimes have no degree and are therefore not entitled to carry out any medical examination. They can be good psys but miss a functional problem.



The need for a medical check-up

Serious sexologists insist on the need, before undertaking any therapy, to draw up a thorough medical check-up, if only to rule out a pathology hitherto unnoticed, which could be the cause of the sexual difficulty for which one consults. We can then go to the actual therapy. It can take as many forms as there are therapists and patients. In front of her sexologist, Charlotte felt relieved and immediately put in confidence. "At last someone who knows, who has the power to say and hear everything," she thought. While, from this first contact, his interlocutor sought to identify the symptom and its origin. Ignorance of one's body and the others? marital disagreement? old trauma? shame? Emotional and psychological blockages emerge in this "mise en mots".

Charlotte had to realize that her certainty, "to love is to give pleasure", was not the right one, and to admit that the only criterion was oneself, pleasure for oneself. "The altruistic position brings failure for sure," the therapist explained. "He immediately identified me as the brave and willing little soldier I am," remembers Victoire. And he gently mocked: "In bed, armor is not very comfortable." "Renaud, meanwhile, was stuck in a stalemate:" I'm going a little fast, but women are slow to come and do not enjoy when I enter them. Calmly, the sexologist explained that the penis was not the only instrument of pleasure for a woman, whose time of excitation is longer than that of a man. Hence the necessity of the first fruits. Renaud confessed his ignorance, his fear of not knowing how to do it or being taken for a "big disgusting". From sketches, the therapist showed him the erogenous zones and how to caress female sex.



Exercises to learn how to surrender


But words alone are not enough to unblock bodies. You have to go to physical exercises. Charlotte and Liliane had to learn positions they initially found obscene, such as that of projecting more and more quickly belly forward by opening the sex and squeezing the anus, all punctuated with gesticulations and screams hoarse. "I respond to your initial request, orgasm," argued the therapist. Deep pleasure requires an active woman who uses her pelvis and her entire body synchronously with the breath. Then, for three sessions, he had to mimic the sexual act. In the third, Charlotte felt her body react: "I let myself be carried away by a slow heat that advanced in my body, my sex, my belly, my chest, my neck ... The outbreak of orgasm in slow motion. I understood the journey of pleasure, from the vagina to the brain. "Then she had a few massage sessions:" At first, I was tense, then I found on my body reactive areas that gave me goosebumps or the urge to cry. A carapace creaked, that of my rigid education, of my loneliness as a child. Powerful work has uncovered buried fears on the skin. "

Victoire, she learned relaxation and stopped being perpetually on the defensive: "I understood that I had to accept to let me dominate, to give the other this mandate without suspicion, without sparing me, that I had to abandon myself to enjoy. Charlotte, Liliane, and Victoire followed a six-month therapy with "homework" at home: training to contract their vagina, practice caresses and massages on their partner, etc. Renaud, who cried for the first time while mentioning the abandonment of his father, also received recommendations. But after sex therapy, he followed classic psychotherapy that was necessary.




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